Have A Banana!
by Rouka The Bane
Summary: An Odd Pirate Girl Commandeers The Pearl And Uses It To Find A Lost Island That Shouldn't Exist.
1. Edgeman

**DAVY JONES LOCKER TIME UNKNOWN**

As the real Captain Jack Sparrow looked out over the vast, white nothingness that was the Locker, me, with a "rope" of snow crabs tied around my ankle lowered about six feet behind him. The crabs suddenly turned to pens and clattered uselessly to the deck. Hearing the sound, Jack whipped around as the pens evaporated. He didn't know what the pens were, so ignored it, and asked,

"...Who are you?"

I jumped up, grinning, and replied,

"Aw, you really don't remember your old friend Captain Wildfire, eh Jack Sparrow? Nooo, NOT Jack Sparrow! StraAAnger! We just met! I shall call you Edgeman!"

"...Okay...How did you get on my ship?"

"Well, as you can expect, I was also trapped in the Locker. But that's beside the point, I happen to be in need of a ship. And you happen to have the fastest ship in the Caribbean. I intend to commandeer said ship, and use her to find the island I've been seeking."

"And do you just assume I'll give you the Pearl?"

"Hmmm, yes, yes I do."

Jack realized now that his wrist was shackled to the mast. He stuttered,

"How, how did you-?"

I grinned and replied proudly,

"Obviously you've never been to the States, mate!"

With a spring in my step I walked behind the wheel and pointed forward, exclaiming,

"Tiny crab battalion! Advance!"

The ship lurched and crawled forward with the clatter of thousands of tiny claws.

**LOCKER SHORELINE TIME UNKNOWN**

As Will, Elizabeth, Mr. Gibbs, Barbossa, and the rest of me and Jack's crews stomped along the shore, the Black Pearl appeared atop a large, sandy dune. They all watched in awe as the crabs set the ship in the water and said ship began to sail away. A girl from my crew turned her attention to the sand ahead of them all and whispered in awe,

"It's Fox...It really is Fox!"

My crew ran forward and everyone else followed. Mr. Gibbs asked,

"Where's Jack?"

Looking out to the ocean, I replied,

"Said Sparrow is aboard my ship!"

Barbossa came to my side and said,

"All I see is MY ship!"

"Do you wanna be shackled to the mast too?"

Will interrupted,

"The Pearl is leaving without us."

We all watched the Pearl leave us in silence for a few minutes before we started screaming and running back to the boats, trying to catch the escaping ship.


	2. HAVE A BANANA!

**BLACK PEARL TIME UNKNOWN**

Jack was chained to the mast again and I was studying the charts that had been used to find me and Jack. We were all back aboard the Pearl and I was ignoring Barbossa, who was complaining in my ear. Only half focused, I didn't see the phrase "Up Is Down" as I turned the circles. Jack did. He muttered,

"Up is down? Well that's just vague enough to be helpful!"

He pointed to port and exclaimed,

"Look! Something to make you run to the other side of the ship!"

The crew, used to me and Jack screaming vague things like that, all ran over to port. Jack exclaimed again, strained against his chains,

"Look! The thing I'm making up to make you tip the ship is over here!"

We all ran to the other side of the ship. The pattern continued, but soon I understood, and ordered the crew to tip the ship. The obeyed, and soon the ship was unbalanced and falling. Jack purred,

"And now up, is-blurb blurb blurb..."

The ship fell, and after a few minutes came shooting back up. The force severed Jack's chain. We all laid on the deck, coughing. Me, Will, Jack, and Barbossa jumped up, holding each other at gunpoint. We suddenly burst into random laughter for a few minutes, then went back to shooting each other. Will growled,

"I need this ship to free my father."

I retaliated,

"Well I need this ship to find the Island of Killer Bananas!"

"The what?"

"The Island of Killer Bananas, William."

"Why should we help you find that?"

"I didn't ask you to help. I just need the ship for that reason. Ya understand?"

"No. Not really. Why would you want to go to the Island of Killer Bananas? I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist."

"Because Will, on that island, is a great treasure. Or, was it great danger? Oh well. Both are good."

"Regardless,"

He put his gun to my nose. Every one else turned their guns on him.

"I need the ship."

We all tried shooting, but the guns simply clicked. I was laughing at the fact they didn't relize the powder was wet. I gasped out,

"We, just were submerged, and you didn't relize the powder would be wet, and you still tried shooting?!"

Will, slightly embarrassed, replied,

"Well, you tried shooting too!"

A bit angered, and try to recover from the embarrassment, I reached for the hilt of my sword, but instead held the steam of a banana. I immediately knew it wasn't my sword, and so I flipped it around in my hand and screamed in an English accent,

"HAVE A BANANA!"

And with that, I smashed the stem into his head. The banana squished and fell to the ground, a small red mark forming on Will's forehead. My head feel like my neck was broken and I fixed my gaze on the banana. I still smiled, but said sadly,

"Awww..."


	3. The Island

**SEA OF BANANA 9:00 A.M.**

As we sailed, bananas began floating around us. I laughed,

"We've reached the Sea of Banana! The Island of Killer Bananas is close.

As if on cue, the ship lurched violently as we ran aground. I ran and jumped onto the sand, now the first person to set foot on this new land. I tried to draw my sword, but once again found I didn't have one. I growled,

"Bloody hell, JACK! Lead the shore party!"

I shoved the map at him and stomped back to my cabin. Jack looked at the map, and led the group.

**BANANA FOREST NOON**

As the group got more and more lost, they were suddenly jumped by six foot bananas with spears and faces. They were all kidnapped, tied to poles, and taken before a giant banana, sixty feet tall. They assumed this banana was the Banana King. The Banana King bellowed,

"YOU ALL HAVE INTRUDED ON HOLY GROUND! I SHALL NOW DEVOUR YOU TO PRESERVE THE PURITY!"

He picked up the poles, and was about to eat them, when there was a scream of anger, and a small sword stabbed his hand. I was back just in time. I stood on the Banana King's hand and pulled the sword out. I waved the sword and screamed,

"NO! BAD MAN EATING BANANA! BAD! PUT THEM DOWN!"

Whimpering, the King Banana obeyed and held his hand about five feet from his face. I raised my sword a bit more and demanded,

"If thou wish to be granted clemency, do the splits! DO THE SPLITS!"

He stuttered,

"I-I can't do the splits."

"DO THE SPLITS THOU MAGOT PIE!"

"Ahh, no, please stop yelling. I'll do it."

He put me down and slunk away, doing the splits. I slashed every one's bonds and set my sword on my shoulder.

"Who wants to play Boomba?"

I strode back to the ship. They all watched my stride away, mouth's open.

**BLACK PEARL 7:00 A.M.**

A few days later, we'd dropped Will off at Port Royal and I sailed on a new ship, even bigger than the Black Pearl. I was laden with loads of treasure from the King Banana. Jack was on my ship, allowing Barbossa command of the Pearl, in favor of coming on my ship and going through my treasure. I didn't seem to care. Jack, examining a golden chalice, asked,

"So, why'd you just let Will go after he tried to kill you?"

"Oh,"

I ran my fingertips lovingly over the wheel.

"because I have a plan. We'll met again. And when me meet again, I'll have fun, fun revenge."

I began evilly laughing to the sky, but the laugh turned into a cough. I gagged,

"Uh! Aha, um, ug, killed the mood..."


End file.
